my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
