that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sober January is a disaster.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
