i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he thought i was a dude.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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