I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
