Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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