He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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