I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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