How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
