Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
