I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As shirtless as possible
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
