I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
