why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
