i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
