I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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