college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
