when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
