Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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