She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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