She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
