just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
