I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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