I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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