So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
