I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
