I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
