and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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