I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
