If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
