I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my shit smells like andre
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
