Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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