opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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