So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
