i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
