she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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