coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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