fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
