My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
