Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
