he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
