my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
