She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dear god my vagina.
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