Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
