did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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