Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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