Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
