I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
