I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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