i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
