one word: firstdatebathroomanal
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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