She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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