overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
