i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
