he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
