So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
