are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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