Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
