I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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