i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
