apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize