soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
