i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Welp...herpes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
