i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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