Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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