she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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