You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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