dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
