I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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